good ideas...

ozzie, in response to my suggestion that they put two chairs together to make a tent:

"that's the best idea we've had in 2 1/2 minutes!"

the f-bomb has hit...

some kid in ozzie's class taught him the f-word. he asks me, is there really a such thing as a curse? i said what kind, like a spell? he says no, like a word... like fuck? i said, yes, that's a curse word. he says is it a bad word? i said well, yes. he says why is it bad, what would happen if you said it? i said nothing, it is just rude. it's not something you can say at school. he says if you are in high school or college can you say fuck? i said no, not even daddy can say it at work. he says what does fuck mean? i tell him it means like darn it, but really bad. he says if you say fuck in school you would probably go to the principal, huh? i said yes, i would think so... he says boy i wish i could get that word out of my head.

on emily, in her First Communion dress...

ozzie: "she looked... unbelievable. i'll always remember how beautiful she looked, even for like, 40 years. so when i'm 47, i'll remember how beautiful she looked today when i saw her. but i won't remember what time it was, because i don't even know what time it is now."

sorry to kvell, but...

ozzie's homework assignment was: write a paragraph about a person that you consider to be a hero.

he wrote:

I think a Rabbi is a hero because they help people follow Judaism. A Rabbi teaches people to be good to they're family and everyone. I want to be a Rabbi because they read from the Torah. The Torah is important because it's rules of Judaism and to be a good person. Rabbis are good teachers.

ozzie's first novel

Ozzie and the Tornado
By Ozzie Etkin

Table of Contents
Chapter One
Ozzie

Chapter Two
This House is Flying

Chapter Three
Getting Picked Up Again

Chapter Four
Ending Up in Atlanta Zoo


Chapter One
Once there was a boy named Ozzie. One day, he was sitting under an apple tree. Then he noticed two weird things, one was houses exploding as if a bomb had went off inside it. Another was apples kept falling on his head.

Chapter Two
As soon as he saw a funnel cloud, Ozzie yelled, "Ahhh! Tornado!"
By the time he was at his house, he found himself in a windy dust cloud. When he almost got hit by a tree, he ran inside. When he got inside, he found his family looking down the window (mom, dad and Zoe). When Ozzie looked down the window, he found his house was flying!
When Zoe asked, "Why are we flying?", Ozzie answered, "Because of the tornado."

Chapter Three
A couple of minutes later, they landed in Elk City, Oklahoma where they got picked up again. After a couple of minutes, they noticed they were flying again.

Chapter Four
An hour later, they landed in Atlanta Zoo where they saw Mei Lan and Xi Lan.

The End

zoe's caviar wishes and champagne dreams...

and she's only 5...

"mommy, can someone have 2 birthstones?"
"no, why?"
"because i really like diamonds..."

*pause.*

"and you know that garnet bracelet you have that you never wear? well, if you want, i mean, because you never wear it, you can give it to me, i mean, if you want to..."

*bangs head against the wall*

so ozzie brings home a load of stuff from school, various crumpled papers, all shoved into his backpack.

i ask him, "did you clean out your desk today?" he says, "no."

so i'm going through the papers and i see one that is a drawing of a turkey with feathers, only half colored-in. i say, "what's this? home work?" and he says, "no, that's from thanksgiving. i never finished it. i don't have to bring it back."

"why is it in your backpack?"

he says, "i found it when i cleaned out my desk today."

"so you did clean out your desk today?"

he looks off into the distance and says dreamily, "oh, yeah. i guess i did."

the past 48 hours of my life...

imagine you are cleaning up throw up. LOTS OF THROW UP.

now i'm zoe saying, mommy? should i be a unicorn or a butterfly? mommy? mommy? mommy? should i be a ladybug or a doggie? mommy? do you think pegasuses are beautiful? mommy? mommy? should i be a pegasus? i think i'll be a dolphin. mommy? do you think i should be a dolphin? what color are my fins? mommy? do you like pink better or purple? mommy? mommy? should i be a princess unicorn or just a unicorn? mommy? what should my princess unicorn name be? mommy? mommy? do you like the name sheeshee or queebee better? mommy? mommy?

and then mulitply that by 100.